First they came for Geoffrey Giraffe … (well, not really but it’s still bad)

Credit: The Internet

Many people, me included, are a little put off by this story about a big-game hunter from Kentucky killing a beautiful and apparently rare giraffe species in Africa.

Here’s what she said about it according to The UK Sun: “Prayers for my once in a lifetime dream hunt came true today! Spotted this rare black giraffe bull and stalked him for quite a while. I knew it was the one.

“He was over 18 years old, 4000lbs and was blessed to be able to get 2000lbs of meat from him.”###

First, how hard is it to “spot” and “stalk” a giraffe? It’s a 2-ton, 20-foot-tall animal that lives in an open-plains environment. That’s like me boasting I spotted and stalked a yummy-looking ice cream sundae at the Dairy Queen and got two scoops of vanilla out of it. Praise Jesus.

It’s not like she was stalking a terrified spider monkey that can swing with jungle vines and easily hide among the canopy leaves. For chrissakes, look at the background of the photo! It’s not like the giraffe can run and hide behind a tree with its knees shaking, thinking, “I hope she doesn’t see me!”

Second, how the hell does she know the giraffe was 18 years old? Did she pick its driver’s license off the corpse? And what does age have to do with it? The older the giraffe the better the kill? I’d argue that it’s even more cowardly to hunt an aging animal because, well, what if it has arthritis or macular degeneration? You’re admitting to stalking a weak-kneed, partially blind animal that was probably getting up at 3 am to pee because it has an enlarged prostate. Let’s face it: this hunter killed grampa! It’s bad enough people have picked Geoffrey Giraffe’s carcass clean of toys, now this hunter is crowing she got 2,000 pounds of meat “from” this 4,000-pound giraffe. No, you got the meat OFF him, not FROM him, the latter of which indicates the giraffe had some say in the matter. And what happened to the other 2,000 pounds of meat? Answer (probably): vultures and/or hyenas.

Third, she’s pointing to the sky to praise God. (How much you want to bet she’s pro-life? Irony, anyone?) And in this case, I’m sorta hoping God is giving her a different finger gesture and thinking “Time for a brain aneurism.” But God wouldn’t do something as insidious as what this hunter did to that magnificent creature.

I have no problem with hunters who do indeed use the meat from their kills. But I doubt this hunter is grilling up Geoffrey burgers as one ton of giraffe meat sounds like it would be tough to get through customs. So perhaps she piled it up, slab upon flies-buzzing-around-it slab, in front of a local African food pantry, rang the doorbell and hightailed it home. Classy.

But to kill one of these magnificent creatures (giraffes are my favorite right behind Jennifer Garner) and to praise the lord for it strikes me as barbarous. Now, I’m not one of these people who’ll bombard this hunter’s social media with hate and whatnot. What she did was apparently legal if not despicable. But people, please, why not bring a high-powered camera instead of an elephant gun to bring back a wonderful memory from Africa?

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